Are You A People Pleaser? 10 Ways To Stop Seeking Constant Validation

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Are You A People Pleaser? 10 Ways To Stop Seeking Constant Validation

Do you ever catch yourself going out of your way to make others happy, even if it means sacrificing your needs? Do you often seek approval and feel uneasy when someone seems disappointed? If that sounds familiar, you might be a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser is common, but it can be an unhealthy pattern. It often leads to stress, anxiety, and trouble setting boundaries. The good news is that with some awareness and effort, you can break free from the constant need for validation and create a more genuine and fulfilling life.

What Is A People Pleaser?

A people pleaser is someone who prioritises the needs and desires of others above their own. They often feel a strong need for approval and validation, and their self-esteem hinges on the opinions of others. People pleasers go to great lengths to avoid conflict and disappointment, even if it means sacrificing their own needs, beliefs, or time.

Signs You Might Be A People Pleaser

Here are some common signs that indicate you might be a people pleaser

  • You have difficulty saying no to requests, even when they inconvenience you.
  • You feel anxious or guilty if you disappoint someone.
  • You constantly seek approval from others.
  • You may also downplay your own needs and feelings to avoid conflict, take criticism very personally, and often feel like you’re not good.
  • You take criticism very personally.
  • You often feel like you’re not good enough.
  • You have trouble setting boundaries in your personal and professional life.
  • You find it hard to make decisions for yourself.
  • You often feel resentful after helping someone.
  • You might also feel resentful after helping someone and experience high levels of stress and anxiety.
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Why Do People Become People Pleasers?

There are several reasons why someone might develop people-pleasing tendencies. Some common factors include

Childhood experiences: People who grew up in critical or emotionally neglectful environments may learn to prioritize the needs of others to gain approval and avoid disapproval

Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem may seek validation from others to feel good about themselves.

Fear of rejection: People pleasers may have a strong fear of being rejected or ostracized, which can lead them to go to great lengths to please others.

Codependency: People pleasers may become codependent on others for their sense of self-worth and happiness.

The Disadvantages Of People Pleasing

While pleasing people may seem like a harmless trait, it can have a significant negative impact on your life. Here are some of the downsides

Stress and burnout: Constantly trying to please others can be exhausting and lead to chronic stress and burnout.

Resentment: Over time, people pleasers can become resentful of the people they bend over backwards for.

Poor boundaries: People pleasers often struggle to set and maintain healthy boundaries, which can lead to problems in their relationships.

Difficulty making decisions: They may rely so heavily on the opinions of others that they have trouble making decisions for themselves.

Loss of self-worth: Their self-esteem is tied to the approval of others, leading to a shaky sense of self.

10 Ways To Stop Seeking Constant Validation And Embrace Your Authentic Self

  1. Develop Self-Awareness: The first step is to become aware of your people-pleasing tendencies. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours in different situations. When do you find yourself saying yes when you want to say no? When do you feel anxious or guilty? Recognising these triggers is crucial for change.
  2. Challenge Your Negative Thinking Patterns: Identify these negative thoughts and challenge them with more realistic and empowering beliefs. For example, instead of thinking “I’m not good enough unless others like me,” challenge it with “I am worthy of love and respect regardless of what others think.”
  3. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would show a friend. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and focus on self-improvement.
  4. Identify Your Values: What’s important to you in life? What are your core values? When you have a strong sense of your own values, it’s easier to make decisions that align with them and say no to requests that don’t.
  5. Set Healthy Boundaries: Setting boundaries means communicating your needs and expectations to others. It’s okay to say no to requests, even if it disappoints someone. Learn to politely decline and stick to your guns.
  6. Focus on Your Strengths: Take time to identify your strengths and accomplishments. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small.
  7. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Find healthy coping mechanisms to manage difficult emotions, such as exercise, journaling, or relaxation techniques like meditation.
  8. Invest in Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who appreciate and accept you for who you are. Supportive relationships can provide a safe space for you to be yourself and express your needs.
  9. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone: Challenge yourself to try new things and step outside your comfort zone. This can help you build confidence and discover new aspects of yourself.
  10. Practice Self-Care: Make self-care a priority. Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly can all contribute to a stronger sense of self-worth.
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Remember, change takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way. Start small, don’t try to change everything overnight begin by setting small goals and gradually working your way up. Seek professional help if you’re struggling to overcome people-pleasing on your own, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor; find a support group and Connect with others who are also trying to overcome people-pleasing. These steps can make a real difference in your journey to overcoming people-pleasing.



Have you ever felt like you’re constantly seeking approval? I used to feel the same way too. You might be a people pleaser. This behaviour is common in our generation and can be draining, leading to stress, anxiety, and a sense of disconnection from your true self. The good news is there’s a path towards self-acceptance and a more fulfilling life.

This article explores the signs of people-pleasing, the reasons behind it, and the negative consequences it can have. We also provide 10 actionable steps to help you break free from the need for constant validation and build unshakeable self-worth. Embrace your authenticity and start living a life that truly reflects your values. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, regardless of what others think. Ready to take the first step? Utilize the resources mentioned throughout the article and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed. You deserve to live a life that feels genuine and fulfilling yes you deserve the best.


Author Since: November 16, 2023

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